This cake will tide you over for 6 years.
Oh hoo hoo!
CHOCOLATE CAKE!
Is what my boss shouted when we got chocolate cake from a customer.
Taste Sensations
Here at Howard’s Game Shanty some of us have more adventurous taste buds.
Occasionally some of us get together and fraternize off shift. One such an encounter was at a restaurant which is fondly remembered as Dinosaur Ice Cream. Frozen yogurt and breaded chicken dinosaur nuggets. Must be along the lines of Fried Chicken and Waffles.
The reason I am reminded of this is because today we made two new creations in store, Twix Pizza and Energy Nog. One of the employees, the same as Dinosaur Ice Cream, requested Twix Pizza. He demanded and of course I obliged. We took a cheese pizza and a king size twix. He wanted quality so I created a nice little flower/star pattern and threw it in the pizza oven. The sad thing is it was delightful. The only off putting aspect was the tomatoes. I figure people eat cheese, chocolate, carmel, and bread together so why not.
The second creation Energy Nog was more on a whim of my own. I took equal parts Blue Energy and Egg Nog. It was frothy and tasted kind of fruity. It was odd but ok.
A Day in the Life
I’m going to take you through a full shift at Howard’s. This is generally 8 hours of pain.
I get there 15min early because I am supposed to. I already stocked when I closed last night so that cuts that. I turn everything on and get ready to go. I usually work with a nice young lady but somehow the person who was FIRED over a year ago has come back to work with me. I am not happy.
My boss tells me it’s a “special treat”. I wonder if he recalls that I said I would quit if he ever hired him back. See that is the thing about Howard’s, we hire degenerates and for the most part incompetents and then fire them and then give them 2nd, 3rd, and even 4th chances.
1hr later this newly hired oldly fired employee starts complaining about working there. Funny thing he volunteered for this shift and begged for his job back. Another funny fact he’s homeless.
I decide it’s just best if I do my own thing in my own corner. Occasionally I’ll go see if the bathroom is clean, clean up the floor, and even visit with the employees in the back playing Rockband.
The bartender from upstairs comes down, a former employee. A damned good man, hell he doesn’t work here anymore and somehow he does a better job than the guy standing next to me.
I help a few customers, take a few breaks, but for the most part I stand there and stare out the window. All the shit on the checklist actually gets done, I feel I am one of the few people who does that.
My favorite customers come in, I help him out and he buys me an energy drink. I like this guy, good vibes, and he’s asked me to give him some resources. Not all bad.
Some guy comes in tells me his username and casually remarks it’s a stoner name. He’s wearing a sweatshirt covered in pot leaves. I flatly say it fits.
So this tall black man with glasses and a knit sweater comes up to me and starts yelling at me.
“I just want to play the fucking game”
“I don’t want to keep having to sign in and out and all this fucking bullshit”
“I am seriously fucking pissed off”
To which I respond.
“That’s very nice sir. Let me see if I can help you”
Turns out Halo 3 is an incredibly difficult game to start the campaign with.
He curtly thanked me and I considered throwing him out for being an ass.
And those are the highlights of a shift at the shit shack.
Possession
Now the not so legal stuff.
Well where should we start?
Most people come in higher than kites reeking to high heaven.
Call them on it? God no. They’re sober and dedicated customers.
Blow and all the rest are a little scarcer.
Although on one occasion, one of the employees walked into the bathroom to do a routine check (we do them once an hour, usually).
There’s a guy at a urinal, tosses whatever was on his hand into the pisser.
Stands bolt straight upright. Stares at the wall and says I wasn’t doing anything. Straw still in his nose.
It’s a real wonder we were called the Crack Shack. I think that mostly had to do with the rampant drug dealings.
Alcohol
Substance abuse
We will start with alcohol because that’s legal.
Some people get belligerently drunk at Howard’s
Somehow that’s fun.
It’s a lot of fun to chug a bottle of cheap Tequila in the handicap stall.
Or maybe it’s fun to have a round of bottles in the womens bathroom just to puke it up later.
Or maybe it’s fun to puke and clog our sinks.
But the most fun you ask.
Is to hold a manager up against the wall. Make him fear for his life. And then hurl a trashcan down Energy Drink Alley.
End result you ask?
You get to play for free in corporate and that employee quits because they refuse to ban them.
Justice.
The rounds…
I just finished doing the rounds to discover another hole punched in the wall and our microwave missing.
I’m hoping the author of these two acts to be the same person.
I can imagine him now…Fuck this! Punches hole in wall. I know I’ll steal there microwave. They’ll learn.
Luckily my intrepid employee placed an “Upgrading” sign over it.
I’m not sure who decided “Upgrading” and “Out of Order” were the same thing but I wonder if they considered what this means when we put it on the popcorn machine.
For those of you who have been to Howard’s (a completely fictional place) let me describe our customer base.
During the night shift it’s a rarity to run into anyone sober. During the day it’s young kids who want to run away from reality.
Either way both have deep rooted psychological issues with their Fathers.
I just got asked if I can kick someone out for being high.
I told them no.
A lot of you may wonder why. Well there’s a precedence for substance abuse here at Howard’s, but that is another story.
Floorplan
I realized none of you know how Howard’s is layed out.
Well basically you walk in Energy Drink Alley.
It’s a long row with game consoles and tvs.
Then there’s registers on the Left and a few hundred computers on the Right.
Behind all of that is some more game consoles and tvs.
With the bathroom, stockroom, and emergency exit past all the computers.
Behind the counter is the corporate offices.
Hello and welcome…
… to Howards GS. My name is “deleted”. How can I help you?
Let’s see you want to find a good story about working at a LAN center.
I think I can help you here.
I’ve been working this job for awhile and honestly I believe the only reason I keep working here is because of the stories.
This is where I’m going to tell you all of the hilarity and mayhem that has ensued at my place of work.
None of the names are real just the events.
God damn I hope I don’t get sued.
